The test I am referring to is the inventory questions that our Pastor gave us to complete in regards to good ol’ premarital counseling. I’m actually a HUGE fan of premarital-talking-about-your-future life-together-stuff. As a full-time observer of relationships, a chronic over share-er and an advocate of open and honest communication, I welcomed any counseling that my childhood Pastor suggested we do. Luckily Mr. Sword is awesome and just as willing to partake in whatever was asked of us.
But I’d be lying if I said the state of Minnesota hadn’t influenced us as well. To obtain a marriage license in the land of a billion lakes it’s a staggering 115 dollars but with a mere 12 hours of premarital counseling, you can acquire one for the reduced fee of 40 dollars. Umm, yes please! I think it’s a nice way to encourage people who otherwise wouldn’t consider it, and those of us who are already going that route, it’s a win-win.
Pastor P was the first Pastor I really remember when attending church back in the day. She is the person who guided me through confirmation and my statement of faith, and she’s known my family for decades. I was super pumped when she first approached MOH Big Eyes inquiring if we had decided on an officiant yet because I was hoping to have someone who knew either Mr. Sword or myself personally because I really dislike generic wedding ceremonies or one’s where the officiant is saying odd things that don’t make sense for that couple.
Being in a LDR with our wedding (and our Pastor for that matter), made finding time for 12 hours of counseling a bit challenging. Since the beginning of the summer we have met with her three times and that, combined with homework to do in Chicago will get definitely get us to 12.
The best part of doing the premarital inventory was knowing that we had discussed all of the issues/questions previously! The first thing Pastor P said (after grading them) was, “Well it’s obvious you two communicate!” And by “grade” I mean, line up the answers to see how we both answered in each category.
An example question went something like this: “What will be your partner’s main concern during your marriage? I put “finances” for Mr. Sword and he put that he’d worry about “finances.” We both agreed we want to decorate our house in a modern/contemporary style, we’d like about 2 kids, we don’t keep any secrets from each other, and that Miss Sword is sort of in charge. Awkward. 🙂 We had to explain that while I tend to make the majority of decisions, when Mr. Sword puts his foot down, I listen. Like I’ve said before, he is a laid-back guy, and goes with the flow most of the time, so when he has a strong opinion about something, we both honor it.
To be honest I sort of hate that stereotypical “the man rules the roost” sort of mentality that can be seen on TV and/or observed in real life. I come from a very matriarchal family, so it only makes sense that I would find someone who fit better into that family dynamic. This is not to say that I don’t value Mr. Sword’s ideas or that we aren’t equal partners because that is completely untrue. Sometimes it just comes down to personality differences. I am outgoing, assertive, and the inspiring motivator for our relationship, he is mellow, sweet, and the loving support for our relationship. We both bring in humor, silliness, heart, and respect, and overall, I think it works for us! Sister Big Eyes found someone who compliments her just as well, but I would definitely say they fall into the same matriarchal family style as we do.
Speaking of Sister, she and FBIL are having Pastor P officiate their ceremony as well. Another wedding share. What are we at now? Is anyone keeping track?
(all photos personal)
Who has the more dominant personality in your relationship? Are you doing pre-martial counseling? Does any other state give a discount like MN?