Umm. I think so… What does that even mean? Is that OK? Is it going to be received well? Do I care?
The other day I was perusing A Practical Wedding and I came across this wedding graduate post that just resonated with me. The article talks about what it means to have a very personal, unique wedding that reflects who you are as a couple, and how that makes for one AMAZING and perhaps FEMINIST wedding.
My favorite quote from the post is when the writer shares why her wedding was in fact feminist, saying, “It meant that Ben and I made decisions based on our values and beliefs, and it meant that I was willing to advocate for those things without fear of being judged as hypocritical. It meant that I was willing to make people uncomfortable: like letting them know that we, as a couple, recognized our privilege of being able to be married, and that we wished that everyone could have that privilege, or rather, what it really is—a right. It meant telling people “no.” And “yes.” And it meant that, for one time in our lives, Ben and I were going to be the center of attention and we were going to use that as a platform to tell the people in our lives what was important to us, and that, to us, was social justice.”
I might be marrying a dude (aka the sexy Mr. Sword), but there’s not much I love more than GAYS and CHICKS. I don’t look or act like your average feminist, but isn’t that the beauty of equality? We can fight for all people to have the same rights, demand that women should get equal pay, and at the end of the day still prefer to stay home and raise our kids ourselves. Being a SAHM can be the feminist choice.
And so can getting married. Even if you are having the girliest, princess-loving, fairy tale-driven wedding ever, because you can use this major life event and personalize it to portray your values, whatever they are.
For example, there will be no bouquet toss at my wedding (no garter toss either) because I despise the singling out of the single ladies as if it’s their moral obligation to be “next in line,” (but on the other hand, I can’t get enough of Beyoncé’s song… see I’m a conundrum!)
While Dad Sword WILL be walking me down the aisle, Pastor P will NOT be asking, “Who gives this woman away?” She’ll be asking for a blessing from the parents, which sounds just perfect for us. I’ve also asked Pastor P to take out all of the gender specific language in the wording of our religious ceremony because I’m all about the inclusive language.
For me, having and enjoying my wedding when I know it’s not a choice for so many others is my way of supporting them, (if that makes any sense at all). I guess, hosting a wedding, surrounded by our favorite people, is Mr. Sword’s and my way of sharing our views and giving a voice to those groups that lack equal rights. I know it might not be entirely simple or easy, but hey, it’s my party and I’ll advocate if I want to! Oops, I think I mean cry if I want to, no matter, both will probably get accomplished.
Do you think you’re having/did you have a feminist wedding? Why is it feminist to you? Or why is not? No wrong answers!